Last Cigarette

(for Terry)

It wasn’t like him
to panic, he’d done
a front-line tour of
combat duty in
the NAM so when
any serious shit came
down he just took it
in stride including all
the heart attack
symptoms, said to himself,
“Remain calm, your
having the Big One.
Get someone to drive
you over to ER, no
sweat, just hit automatic
dial and get moving.”
but no one’s home
he can call and he’ll be
damned if he’s calling
an ambulance to travel
three blocks, “You know
what one of those suckers
cost? not thinking at
the time, “What difference
would it make if he were
dead, how much will that cost?”
though it did occur, later,
when they started asking
questions like, “What did
you do after no one
answered your calls?”
“Well, hell, I lit a cigarette,
took a deep drag to settle
my nerves and started
looking for my car keys
so I could drive myself
over here.” Which wasn’t
a fatal move, they said but
couldn’t figure out why not.