Shawn Anto is 23 years old from Bakersfield, California. He’s originally from Kerala, India. He currently studies at Cal State Bakersfield looking to receive his B.A. in English & Theatre. His writing has been featured or is forthcoming in The Paragon Press, Edify Fiction, Susan/The Journal, Internet Void, Ink & Voices and Mojave Heart Review.
how things were wished to be different, but weren’t
how much addiction stifles love causes the current
ceasing its movement, right here stumbling around
cold shoulders in the apartment feeling around for another hidden
self so isolate and needing & still reeling for self-hatred, spasms of disgust
would you look at me? how we are clenched with shame & expecting
each possession to swallow rage & let the narrative keep unfolding.
amen to finding what is missing
playing with yourself, feeling each spell
come undone, with that perfect touch, pathetic charade
what God could come find normality in any of us
some form balancing on ice, watching pieces shatter
into frozen river, like that, it’s love galore
& porn & wanting more & sex was not enough
at the core of self, except we only feel—the guilt.
& what other prayer could cure but didn’t
what other resting re-framed life were we missing
the inevitable tormentor, either settles or beats/bears down
come collecting the crash & burn
wearing shattered pieces of your love from loved ones as a crown.